Last Train To Clarksville

Making the most of fantastically-summery weather we've had these last few days I decide a day out is in order and in preparation for a forthcoming trip to Africa (more on that in few days) where else could you go but a Safari Park. Obviously with this being Britain I couldn't just go to Kruger National Park but instead Longleat! Yay! For those not familiar Longleat Safari Park is kinda like a zoo with big enclosures that you can drive your car through! Very cool as you don't have to look at animals through bars or cages....but also not cool as there's not very much between you and them....

Days starts fantastically with some very cute giraffes...


Before we quickly find ourselves heading towards Monkey Country, there are signs all over the park and warnings on every leaflet saying how you enter the monkey enclosure at you own risk and any damage sustained to your car is entirely your fault and you can't sue them or anything. Now like with most disclaimers I didn't take much notice, I figured somebody had lost their BMW logo a couple of years back and they'd put all these signs up to cover themselves. So I happily drive my Mum's car into and enclosure full of monkeys very excited by the prospect they might sit on my roof. Halfway through and after a few monkeys came near and turned away again, one jumps on the back window!

But the excitement was short lived as I realized he'd taken an interest in my radio aerial and I quickly became concerned for the well being of my car. Now how do you get a monkey off your car? Obviously have to stay in the car, so I decide to try stopping quite quickly. Doesn't work, nor does kangaroo hopping. (I knew I did that for a reason!)

Nevermind he's probably not doing any damage, I told myself.

But then I started to wonder why the people in the car behind we all laughing and the people in the car infront were all turned round in the seats, laughing. The answer soon came to me and the monkey walked down my windscreen, sat on my bonnet and tried to eat my rear washer jet nozzle!

Was another hour untill I could get out of my car and inspect the damage, he pulled the nozzle right off leaving a nice gap in the roof that rain could get through, bitten right through the washer hose and left two monkey foot-prints on my rear window that I could see all the way home.

Of course when I got home I had to tell my Mum, she wasn't too mad as long as I found, paid for and fitted the new one (which I did today) - I tried to convince her it wasn't really my fault "How is it not your fault? You took the car to a place where it can get attacked by bloody monkeys."